If I were a dog, my tail would NOT be waggin’! I am feeling bit down and defeated.
Transparency? This was a really tough week. And I thought I had planned well. Looking back, what seemed logical was way too much. I over did it. “Life is a stage…..” so, no matter what your journey, your ‘stuff’ comes with you, right?
My type A persona, the one that I thought I had made significant strides in surrendering, crawled into my backpack and came along with me this week. Just to show you what I mean, not only did I go through my usual work week of meetings out and about, but I grocery shopped, got my racket restrung and bought new tennis shoes, went to the bank, made an unexpected trip to the wireless store, traveled to the DMV to clear up some unexpected info on my driving record, got my hair cut, traveled an hour to play in the tennis tournament only to be DQ’d because I did not navigate the transportation well and was over the late time alloted. Looking back, that was a lot to do. And I really under estimated how much that was. It took a toll on me and the adventure. My attitude suffered.
I also had a few dilemmas about breaking my own rules. I think I have to be more forgiving if I don’t get it all perfectly right in the beginning. Again, not something I am good at. Forgiving myself, that is. And apparently, neither is doing less. And isn’t sustainability about doing more with less? Whew – “life is a stage…’ and it is playing out for me.
This week, in one day, the day I thought I had planned well, I had a 10:00 a.m. at the Regional Office (Caribou-Piedmont and 10th, walking distance of 3 blocks) then lunch at SOUTHFACE, (a bit of a stretch to walk with a loaded pack but doable) then a meeting at the 191 Club (catch the Peach on Peachtree, 3 blocks). After taking a shortcut, toting a backpack that weighed way too, too, too much (again, thinking I can do it all) and meeting a fence instead of direct access to the The Peach Stop, I was frustrated. But I found the gate a block north and made it to Peachtree, just in time to see the PEACH pull out.
N00000000000000!!!!! I wanted to cry. I was tired, there was not a place to sit, and I had to wait 20 minutes. Twenty minutes is no big deal but that laptop I had been carrying around was so I could work during the hour I had between meetings so that was wasted effort. Energy expended that clearly I needed.
I hit the wall. Or fence, I guess. And I just wanted to cry. So after I watched the Peach pull away, like all of us do when waiting for the bus, I looked the direction from whence it came and there was a cab, going downtown, my direction and it became my cab!
Did I break a rule? I think not because it was already going downtown so I did not put more carbon out there that was not already going to be there. But I did feel a bit rescued, which is one of my rules-no emergency phone a friend, come get me!!! when I hit the fence.
So, lessons learned? You bet! Will I incorporate them? I hope! That is my plan. Will my higher truth (heart) win over my mind (head) so my hands (where real behavioral change happens) do what is needed? Isn’t that a daily struggle? At least for me it is. So this week, I will listen to my heart of hearts, where my real truth lies, and connect with what I know is best. Simplify.
So week one was tough., Won’t it be fun to look back to the week #1 post when I am at week #50 and smile at how I thought it was tough?
God, I hope so.
But no matter, I am still Going AWOC – Atlanta WithOut a Car!